In a bold move that has left the internet’s jaw on the floor, X, the social media phoenix formerly known as Twitter, has unveiled its latest golden egg: a $1,000 per month subscription service aimed at attracting the creme de la creme of the online world, or as they call them, “the big boys.”
The new service, dubbed “Xclusive,” promises a smorgasbord of luxurious digital delights. Subscribers will be pampered with golden hashtags, diamond-encrusted retweets, and the pièce de résistance, a personal butler emoji that will cater to their every tweeting whim.
“X isn’t just for everyone,” said CMO Musty Mark, wearing a monocle and swirling a glass of virtual champagne. “We aim to create an opulent oasis where the elite can tweet amongst themselves, away from the riff-raff of the common internet.”
Critics argue that the price tag is a tad on the extravagant side, but X assures that the cost is a necessary gatekeeper to maintain the exclusivity of the Xperience.
Disclaimer: This article is a satirical piece, and any resemblance to actual companies, technologies, or persons is purely coincidental. In the luxurious lanes of the internet, not all that glitters is an accessible user experience.