“The Cloud Will Take Over Everything,” Said Octogenarian Firing Bullets into the Sky

83 year old shoots cloud

In a bizarre standoff between man and technology, 83-year-old Harold “Old Man” Jenkins took to his backyard this Tuesday, shotgun in hand, declaring war on “the damn Cloud.” Witnesses say Jenkins fired several rounds into the sky, shouting that he was “gonna bring the Cloud down” before it takes over everything.

Jenkins, a man who still uses a landline and refers to text messages as “witchcraft,” has long been suspicious of technological advancements. But it seems the concept of cloud computing has pushed him over the edge. “It’s up there, watching us, stealing our data and probably our souls too!” Jenkins exclaimed, shaking a fist menacingly at the sky.

Old man shooting cloud

Local authorities were called to the scene, attempting to explain to Jenkins that “the Cloud” is not a physical entity looming in the sky, but rather a network of servers that store data and run applications. Jenkins, however, remained unconvinced, insisting that “you can’t fool me with your techy mumbo-jumbo.”

Tech experts are baffled by the incident. “I think there might be a slight misunderstanding of what the cloud actually is,” said one IT specialist, trying to suppress a chuckle. “But who knows, maybe he’s onto a new cybersecurity strategy.”

As for Jenkins, he remains vigilant, vowing to protect the neighborhood from the impending “Cloud takeover.” Residents are advised to keep an eye on the sky – not for rogue clouds, but for flying shotgun shells.

Disclaimer: This article is a work of satire. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events, is purely coincidental. No clouds or octogenarians were harmed in the writing of this story. They were harmed afterwards.