In a groundbreaking move that has left the business world in a state of bemused shock, LinkedIn, the professional networking giant, has officially run out of its own staff to let go. In a desperate plea, LinkedIn has now turned to its parent company, Microsoft, asking if they could borrow some employees… just to lay them off.
The announcement came early this morning in a memo leaked from the LinkedIn headquarters, where the HR department expressed their “utter disappointment” at the lack of staff left to release into the wild world of unemployment. “We’ve let go of everyone from interns to the guy who waters the plants. We need more people to, you know, not have here anymore,” the memo read.
Microsoft, caught off guard by the request, is reportedly considering the plea, weighing the pros and cons of lending their employees for a ceremonial sacking. “It’s an unusual request,” said a Microsoft spokesperson. “But in these trying times, we all need to support each other’s corporate rituals.”
LinkedIn’s unusual shortage of layoffs has left the company in a state of existential crisis, questioning their place in a corporate world where downsizing is as much a part of the culture as overpriced coffee and meaningless jargon.
Employees at Microsoft are now playing a nervous game of musical chairs, anxiously waiting to see who will be selected for the honorary LinkedIn dismissal. “It’s like being picked last in gym class,” one employee shared. “Except everyone is wearing suits, and instead of missing out on dodgeball, you’re missing out on a paycheck.”
As the industry watches this corporate tragicomedy unfold, questions linger: Will LinkedIn find satisfaction in Microsoft’s layoffs? Will the borrowed employees get a goodbye cake? Only time, and perhaps the next absurd memo, will tell.
Disclaimer: This article is a satirical piece, and any resemblance to actual companies, events, or people is purely coincidental. Remember, in the corporate game of musical chairs, always stay close to the cake.