WhatsApp Introduces New ‘Morse Code’ Ultra Privacy Mode

Silicon Folly Valley – In a bid to up the ante on messaging privacy, WhatsApp has unveiled its most encrypted feature yet: Morse Code mode. This revolutionary upgrade assures users of complete security, mostly because no one can remember how to decipher Morse Code anymore.

WhatsApp, known for its end-to-end encryption, has long been at the forefront of user privacy. However, recent competitors in the messaging app sphere have prompted the company to think outside the box — or input box, to be precise.

“We wanted to go retro,” explained Alfred Ignobeleof, Head of Obscure Innovations at WhatsApp. “Morse Code is the epitome of classic communication. Telegrams were the OG DMs after all.”

The new feature transforms typed messages into a series of dots and dashes, making it impossible for over-the-shoulder snoops to get the gist of the conversation. Users can also send voice notes in Morse Code, which, to the untrained ear, sound like someone practicing their tap dancing skills.

The announcement was met with a mixture of confusion and amusement from the tech community.

Tech guru, Anita Guptada, commented on her blog: “WhatsApp’s Morse Code mode is exactly what we’ve been waiting for. Why worry about hackers when your messages are safe from the vast majority of the population who can’t tell a dot from a dash?”

Younger users are already finding creative uses for the feature. “It’s the perfect solution to keep my messages safe from prying parents,” stated Tina Boepar, an enthusiastic Gen Z user. “Mom totally knows what ‘BRB’ or ‘LOL’ means, but she’s got no clue when it comes to ‘… — …’.”

On the flip side, seniors who recall the bygone era of telegrams are delighted. “It’s about time they added this,” said Oliver Benson, “Now, if only they’d bring back the rotary dial.”

The addition of Morse Code has also spurred an unexpected side industry: Morse Code tutors. “Business is booming,” said Dasha Dawson, who offers Morse lessons. “Everyone wants in on this old-new trend.”

However, not everyone’s thrilled. Competing app, Tele-Graph, which based its entire premise on Morse-based communication, is reportedly a tad miffed. “We’ve been doing the Morse thing since day one!” lamented the CEO.

As for the future of WhatsApp? Rumors are circulating about an upcoming “Smoke Signal” mode for those keen on a true back-to-basics communication experience.

Disclaimer: This article is satirical and should be taken with a pinch of salt… or dot and dash. Always use technology responsibly and keep your pigeons ready for any other retro communication revivals.